You can't learn how to use the tools if you don't use the tools.
THE COLD BETWEEN is about belonging, REMNANTS OF TRUST is about revenge, BREACH OF CONTAINMENT is about sacrifice, and I think CONDITION OF WAR is going to be about grief.
I'd be really, really worried about a guy who manages to so easily convince more than one serial killer that they're BFFs.
Your exhaustion doesn't matter. Your bitterness, your sense of unfairness, your wish for the universe to be something other than it is--none of that matters. You're not playing "the only way to win" anymore. You never were. You're playing "the only way to not lose horribly and catastrophically."